Hey fam! Another week with same lifestyle and heading towards for another typical weekend. I hope all of y’all doing great. Meanwhile I’m writing some random midnight thoughts on WordPress without any intro as I was feeling bit off with me, myself and I. well, I know that doesn’t make sense at all but I understand that I’m sort of stuck in somewhere while I’m trying to figure out my way of salvation in this hustling mundane life.
If you resonate with this week’s musing, then welcome to my blog and get ready with a warm cup of tea as your girl gonna spill some random, out of context thoughts. Hope this won’t ended up as another attempt of roasting myself on internet. [feels like too much of repetitions hah? Sorry boo my bad 😦 ]
Usually I share my blog posts on every SNS like LinkedIn, Instagram yet I have a decent rule I follow as a content writer that is “not sharing any of my personal musings on such streams because If a reader is really into you then there’s no need to share every piece of writing. Specially ones like these on which I share much personal stories.
Appearance Vs Reality Ft. Karma is a *itch
Indeed! I was feeling terribly bad and off from time to time for several reasons which was pretty much hard to swallow the bitter life lessons all I’ve learnt throughout my 25 years in life. I’m also someone like you who find it effing difficult, especially to forgive someone but in my case this is not just about one person but whole a crowd on whom I want to get rid of mentally.
If I ever had a time machine like Hermione did in Harry Potter: Prisoner in Azkaban; I’d steal it and tune back to my younger self probably in 2016 and give her couple of advises. But at the same time, I think that if I had never meet such individuals then life could also be meaningless and less adventurous.
Maybe It is What is. Accepting the guilt and observing my thoughts to be 1% better in life. Recently I came across with an article written by Stuart Danker on which he mentioned the importance of focusing on marginal gains rather putting the whole pressure on us. However, I still find it difficult to forgive on those who hurt me.
What a coincidence happened this week was two individuals reached me. This led me to revisit and think the depth of difficulty to forgive someone which indirectly hints the amount of grudge I was holding on while carrying these painful moments until this day. I must overcome this but I understand that It would take time and effort to release that painful weight down from myself and leave with scars.
Urge for not settling for bare minimum Ft. inflation
Remember my blog post (wait gimme a second to remember as my head feels blue atm) YES found it. Comparison of (In) capability in which I discussed on Age Pressure and Social Clock. Guess what “coach doesn’t play” because this was something I went through and even after doing what I like as a career didn’t give me ecstasy and joy. Since It’s terrible to deal while making myself a living in Sri Lanka.
Every second that indirect and invisible pressure waves ripple here and there. When I’m viewing others’ updates on SNS or meeting someone out of nowhere but when they expect a satisfactory Asian answer on what my career options are and plans for unseen future. This sounds hilarious even though I don’t feel that pressure directly yet unconsciously my subconscious mind save these moments and torture me regardless the fulfilment I receive from tutoring or working as a content writer. No matter what I bring to the table yet this comparison game makes people feel miserable, inferior and less confident on themselves.
But what society doesn’t realise that how this pressure would react on youth and their life decisions. Maybe It is What it is and trying our best not to give a shit on what others think on life decisions and choices. Today I found a caption which one of my colleagues has posted remarking on one of her achievements as “I do not regret the decisions I make. My view is different from yours”
How can I put this into words?
Maybe you would resonate or not but the individual loneliness with newly discovered identity as an introvert brings both infinite freedom and inexplicable pain. Sometimes I have huge amount of time to spend on work and myself but there are these moments which I don’t know how to process.
Is this jealousy or urge for belonging somewhere to someone? I still haven’t found an answer. I see a future of myself in a whole different place on which I’m working on day and night yet I’m not ready enough to get along with people. I wasn’t a person like this before but the pandemic changed my extrovert nature into someone who doesn’t find an interest to interact or mingle with society anymore.
Someone just like Agatha Harkness in comics who’s a century old witch from ancient Salem living in the huge villa all alone with Ebony, her darling mystic cat. Maybe It Is What it is. Right now my focus of life won’t be interacting or being a part of society. Maybe I’m on my journey of exploring myself and maybe it happened for a good reason.
Wow I’ve done a huge rant on myself. Let me know your random midnight thoughts in comments. Hope you’d have an amazing weekend. Stay tuned for latest blog posts on most Friday. Happy reading!
It’s 00.20 from Sri Lanka and signing off with love –maggi-